


Cyborg 101

by Magical_Awesome_Kid



Category: Cyborg 009
Genre: Albert is ready to kill the most annoying student in history, College AU, Everyone has broken and now are just vibing, Francoise is a baddass, Gen, Jet has gone back to being a redhead, Joe is wondering if he can transfer, Probably a little crack, Takes place in alternate 2020, The author is broken, basically post cannon, loosely, still have powers, the college au that no one asked for, there will be memes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:28:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25420120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magical_Awesome_Kid/pseuds/Magical_Awesome_Kid
Summary: Joe had been at this whole “hero” thing for decades, but they’d all agreed to go separate for a few years, get back to their roots and grow in this new century. Joe had done some travel, tried some new identities, but now he wanted to try something new.Sure, he didn’t need to attend class (he was a walking supercomputer, after all), but it was still something he’d wanted as a kid. So, with some new papers and a few upgrades, he enrolled in a large university, ready to give the whole college experience a go.So, showing up to the first class of the semester, he really should have known that his life had been quiet for too long for some chaos not to happen.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 12





	1. In the Beginning...

**Author's Note:**

> Listen the author is tired and broken and drowning in Cyborg 009 nostalgia between work and not dying. Take my writings.
> 
> Also following (roughly) the 2001 anime on how old everyone is/appears so...  
> Ivan is still a baby  
> Jet is roughly 18 (yes, he's supposed to appear the same age as Joe and Francoise)  
> Francoise is 19  
> Albert is 30  
> Geronimo is probs roughly 25-30  
> Chang is probs 40  
> GB is probs 40-45  
> Pyunma is probs early 20s  
> Joe is like 17-18  
> Dr. Gilmore is in his 70s
> 
> There will be mentions/allusions to the later anime/movies, but mostly I'm basing a lot in some of their more zany characteristics (because come on they need a break and a chance to relax).
> 
> It will also be mentioned in the text, but basically to appear different (aside from GB), they all had small holographic updates to alter their features ever so slightly, so like how Jet got his weird blond hair plus enough edits to appear old enough to be an NSA agent (because cannon he's supposed to be a teen when everything went down, and they do not physically age).

Joe Shimamura, otherwise known as Cyborg 009 amongst the various global nations, some high level scientists, and other private investigators, had been just trying to be, well, human in the last decade. His origin story began long ago, much longer than the young man appeared, with a dark organization, body modifications against his will, and a war he never knew about but was forced to join. He had been a seventeen, almost eighteen, year-old when he had been grabbed. He had just been a high schooler.

But then Black Ghost, the whole God Cyborgs, the angels and the Blessed. His life was that straight from a sci-fi novel, and he had been done with it more then once.

After the latest evil destroyed, the UN Guardians got their shit together, and now trusted the Cyborgs. They’d come to a new agreement, where everyone was allowed to rest for a bit. Before they had split, Dr. Gilmore had given each a slight upgrade that would allow them to apply holographic glamor, making them seem slightly older or younger. It was nothing compared to GB’s transformation abilities, but it certainly helped the younger members, who kept getting stopped in airports and bars because they “certainly looked too young to be there on their own.”

Jet had nearly punched so many people. If it wasn’t for the disguises, he’d never have been allowed in the NSA. It wasn’t his fault that he was eighteen when the stupid Black Ghosts turned him into an immortal, eternal cyborg.

Joe had kept up with his friends, his family, loosely over the last decade or so, each pursuing different avenues and dreams. His latest identity had been partially due to Albert, whom had mentioned a couple years back (about 3 or 4 now) that he had accepted a role as a teacher at a university. Hilda had wanted to become a professor long ago, so he decided it was both to honor her and try something new himself.

Joe had been in Egypt at the time, just doing a bit of a tourist thing, and he’d thought to himself “well I graduated high school 9 times. Surely I could give college a go.”

He’d gotten another identity, applied a new glamour that fit, and Joseph Saiko was set to begin at the State University, well, today. He’d moved into his apartment last week, choosing to attend the last orientation group. He’d selected this one in particular because it was so large, with a big mesh of people from all countries, and it would be easy for him to get lost in. He wanted to experience college life for himself, to have those memories, and, hey, even if he looked a little young, college didn’t really have an age range.

He hadn’t known what he wanted to major in, so he just signed up for some general studies - first year chemistry, first year English, etc. He’d been a credit short, though, so, as he scrolled through the lower credit classes (as many freshman did), he found one that brought a smile to his face - Ballroom Dance. He remembered Francoise trying (and failing) to teach him, though he did eventually pick up some steps from the Ballerina. He signed up, thinking maybe he could impress her the next time they met. The rest of orientation, some graduate student was showing their group around campus, and Joe was talking to a few other students, many of whom wondered how a kid from Japan wound up in Texas and now here.

Joe had spun a tale of how his family was in the military, which was sort of true - and so it was accepted that this kid was, well, just that - a kid.

His first day was a Tuesday. Normally, his schedule had a chemistry lab and his dance class, but, because he hadn’t actually attended any chemistry yet, he was going to only the dance class. He walked through the old building, side stepping older students and in the mess with the newbies all looking for classroom numbers. He was tempted to sweep the building with Accelerator, but that wouldn’t really count. Instead, he turned to a passing student.

“Hey, do you know where classroom 100B is?” He asked politely. “I’m lost.”

The student smiled. “Freshman?” He nodded. “Yeah, that’s a classroom that’s kind of hidden. Perks of this old-ass university. Hang a right at the corner, down the hall to the end. It’s hidden back there.”

Joe smiled back. “Thanks.” He nodded before heading off.

Sure enough, down the dimly lit hallway that was straight from some B-rated horror film, he found 100B. He opened the door, hearing the mutters of new students talking and making friends. He was ready for a new adventure.

“Joe? What the fuck are you doing here?”

Joe, paused, turning oh so slowly to the side. At the front of the ballroom stood three very familiar people. Joe’s eyes widened as he took in the unkept and red hair with the long nose (and thank whatever god that he’d gone back to red). He saw the blond locks pulled back with a headband, the outfit of a professional dancer. He saw the familiar grin and dark curls of the third as he waved some papers around. He felt his jaw drop.

He rushed over. “What are you guys doing here???” He whispered quietly, so much so that no one would hear but them. “Is there a problem? Are we needed?”

Jet threw back his head and laughed. Pyunma was grinning knowingly, and Francoise was a mix of shock and humor. It seemed that Joe was the only one out of the picture.

Pyunma was the first to recover. “Looks like we really can’t stay away from each other.” He grinned again. “I’m just here to drop off the forms the office asked me to run. Why they can’t email them I’ll never know.” He sighed. He handed the papers to Francoise. “Good luck with this class of yours, ‘Francine.’ Seems like quite the handful already.”

Jet was still laughing.

“Well, two left feet, that one.” She pointed at the red head. “This one may be salvageable.” She gestured to Joe.

“Still confused here.” Joe persisted.

Jet finally shut up and wiped his tears of laughter. “Joe, you are seriously the last one here.”

“Here?”

“We’re all on campus.” Jet added. “Seriously, did you not know?”

Joe’s brain kicked into high gear.

“Is it too late to transfer schools?”

And, so, Joe was the last to show up to the campus where, coincidentally, every other Cyborg had also decided to make their home.

Maybe the tenth try at high school wouldn’t have been that bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to secret identities, most are also using fake names, hence Joe being Joseph Saiko and Francoise being Francine. If it becomes important I'll probably add for everyone (or make up something because honestly haven't thought of anyone outside of GB, who's gonna be Gerald Blackwater, the most Great Britain-ish name I could think of for his initials).


	2. Teaching... Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chang gets some familiar visitors at his shop, and Joe is caught up on where everyone is. That being said, there are many, many memes.
> 
> Joe still wants to transfer.

The ballroom dance class had been a lot more normal after that. Pyunma had to run back to wherever he had come from, and the actual dance instructor came in. Francoise was the acting student teacher, even though she was only a second year, due to her phenomenal skills. Jet was also a second year, his major Physics because he wanted to figure out even crazier flight patterns (he still flew on weekends), while Pyunma had applied as a graduate student in archeology. He also worked for the Bursars office because of course that boy couldn’t be a normal overworked student and had to take on MORE work.

As for the rest of them, well, yes, all the cyborgs were on campus for one reason or another. Albert had taken the position here as an associate professor of German Language and Literature. GB was getting back to his acting roots and working as an associate professor in the drama department. Geronimo was a student councilor and coordinator that worked in the guidance offices. Even Ivan was doing the whole ‘class’ thing, though he had a robot companion (whom looked freakishly human) take him to classes when he wanted to observe. Otherwise he usually was with Dr. Gilmore, who was working from his office in the city, or in one of the professor’s offices. Chang was the only non-faculty of the bunch, but his franchise had been opening a new location on campus, so he was also there to make sure the first year ran smoothly.

Jet, of course, shared this with Joe after dragging him to the back, ignoring the introduction speech, the papers being passed around, and the video that the ballroom teacher was showing them. Joe tried to keep ears on both and also silently begged Francoise to save him.

She giggled from her position at the front of the room.

How had he ever loved her when all she did was let him suffer?

“And I think that’s about everyone.” Jet finished as he sat back against the wall. It was a ballroom, so there was no actual desks aside from the one the teacher used. Everyone was sitting on the floor.

Joe quietly groaned to himself. “I was supposed to have a normal freshman year.” He threw to the other cyborg. He looked up. “Why are you even in this class? It looks like mostly freshman.”

“When I heard from Geronimo that Francoise was teaching, you know I had to sign up to support my sis. What about you? What’s your excuse?”

“I needed a credit.”

Jet lifted an eyebrow.

“I was also hoping to get better to impress Francoise next time we saw each other.”

Jet snorted. “Welp, now she gets to see us both fall flat on our asses like usual. And give us grades for it.”

“Fuck.” Joe swore quietly even as he had a small smile on his face.

The bell rang, reminding them that the class period was over. The teacher reminded everyone to wear or bring workout clothes next time, and that they needed to fill out and consent to the class rules to participate. Jet, for all his gruff and tactlessness, did pull out a folder from his backpack, slide the sheets in, and put it away nicely. Huh, maybe the NSA had done him some good.

“Well, there’s one good thing.” Joe added as they stood. “You finally dyed your hair red again.”

Jet tossed back his head, and, from the look on Francoise’s face as she approached, she’d also heard. “Gods damn it, it was a DISGUISE, guys! It was 5 years! Give it a rest.”

“You looked so weird as a blond.” Francoise agreed. “Terrible choice.”

“You’re blonde!”

“Ah, yes, but this is natural.”

“I hate you all.”

“So we’ve heard.” Francoise nodded. She’d gotten quicker on the jabs since they’d last seen her. “I have an off period now. Do you guys have class?”

“Not today. I normally have to head to a lab later, though.” Joe shrugged.

“Physics at 3.” Jet nodded.

“Let’s get lunch. I have an hour.”

“We could go to the cafeteria.” Jet shrugged.

“No way, we have to take Joe to Chang’s.”

“Chang’s is at least a 20 minute walk!”

Francoise looked between them. “Really? I have two people here who can move faster than light.”

Joe and Jet shared a look.

“You have any idea how to get to Chang’s from here?” Jet asked Joe.

“Nope.”

“Welp then we’ll get outside and take the side streets. Should be able to get this down to three minutes.”

Three minutes later, a burst of wind, and three windblown cyborgs walked into the storefront on the other side of campus, the rich smell of familiar cooking hitting their noses.

“Chang! Guess who we brought today!”

Joe got a great big hug from the chef, and, really, Chang’s food was awesome. He loved the chef.

He really had missed them all.

“We should get the whole team here one night!” Chang insisted as he personally brought out the food for them. “Albert is always complaining by the end of the first week about some of his students.” Chang shot a look at Jet.

Jet smirked. “It’s not my fault that I needed the Language Credits. I’m apparently American, and we can only speak American.”

“Is this why you asked me to send you a copy of the Bee Movie last year when I was in Germany?” Joe asked, sure he already knew the answer.

“No comment.” Jet grinned.

“He recited it, in full, for a grade.” Francoise spilled. “Pyunma was bribed to get it on video. It’s on Youtube.”

Joe laughed. “Did Albert shoot you? That sounds like torture.”

“I followed all the rules! He said translate a modern piece of literature, and I went above and beyond!” Jet defended.

“He threatened but couldn’t do anything with the other students in the room.” Chang gossiped.

“I deserved an A for my outstanding performance!”

“You should have taken GB’s class if you wanted to be graded on performance.” Francoise corrected.

“Geronimo wouldn’t even take my complaints into consideration! He just laughed at me!”

“I still do not see the problem.” Joe threw.

Jet was throwing his hands up in the air. “All of you are against me, BUT! I will have my revenge! I made sure to sign up for Albert’s second year class this year! He had only begun to hear all the memes!”

Joe shook his head. “What the hell happened between ‘NSA Blond Jet’ and now to get this chaos.”

“Death, end of the world, mental breakdown, and the internet.” Jet nodded. “At some point you gotta just say ‘fuck it.’”

“To quote the modern kids, ‘mood.’” Francoise nodded solemnly.

“That’s it. As group leader I’m banning the internet.” Joe pointed.

“Oh, worm?” Chang threw as he brought over more food.

“Not you, too!”

Joe hated his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of them have been corrupted by the memes.


	3. Teacher's Lounge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the Cyborgs get caught up with first day chaos.
> 
> The tea is HOT.

Ivan woke from his lovely nap (and yes, this time it was a nap, only 2 hours and not 2 weeks) just where he remembered - sitting in the small office where one Albert Heinrich was filling out some forms. His robot companion was currently off and in the nearby coat closet. While the machine appeared human and could act it, it was no more than a doll controlled through brain waves that any of the Cyborg series could send it. If Ivan fell asleep while traveling with it, it would simply find the nearest safe spot and let him rest - which was why it had access to all the offices of the Cyborgs and maps to get to Dr. Gilmore’s office in a pinch. It’s basic AI would mostly come off as a rude, in a hurry human without a living guide. This time, Ivan had felt himself get a little tired, so he’d instructed it to take him to Albert, who was likely to have a much more peaceful office than anyone else nearby. Albert didn’t much care for the robot to be staring at him, though, so he’d powered it down and stored it for safe keeping until Ivan wanted to wander on his (relative) own again.

During said nap, though, his dreams had their own powers, and they showed him some fun of their own.

It was about now that the small yawn escaped the baby’s mouth, and Albert looked up at the sound. 

“How was the nap? Dream of electric sheep?” He asked with a slight grin.

_‘Haha.’_ The small cyborg communicated telepathically before reorienting his napper to be in the sitting position. _‘I actually picked up on some interesting things around campus.’_

“Oh? And what’s up?”

_‘Well, 009 has arrived as a first year student.’_

Albert laughed. “I guess that’s all of us. When I took this job I never thought that it would end up with us all being higher education nerds.” He chuckled. “I’ll have to go hunt him down at some point.”

_‘There is some more alarming news.’_

Albert stopped laughing. “Oh no. Evil cyborgs? Black Ghost wannabes? Blessed?”

_‘Worse.’_

Albert waited.

_‘002 is in your class again this year.’_

Albert’s worry turned to terror as he threw open his computer, typing and breakneck speeds. When he reached the list of students in his second year classes, he spotted the alias that damn American had chosen.

“I’m gonna shoot him.”

_‘He’s thinking about doing the entire Shrek anthology this year.’_ Ivan grinned behind his pacifier.

“Gods damn him. Who ever decided that memes and Jet would be good together?”

Ivan couldn’t help it. He held up a fist and scrunched up his face. _‘Teacher is my brother. Bring all the memes.’_

Albert took a moment staring at Ivan before slamming his head (without that much force, because he could have easily broken the desk in two) and groaning. “You are also banned from the internet.”

_‘009 is trying this same tactic now.’_

“Is it working?”

_‘No.’_

“FUCK.”

Sometimes, Albert hated ever taking up teaching.

* * *

Geronimo Jr didn’t know what did it, but he looked up as he had been grabbing a snack from the vending machine. He could feel something off in his circuits.

“There’s a disturbance in the force.” He noted, taking a bite from his candy bar. “Ah well. I’m on break.”

He wondered if Chang would make his steak wraps for him if he went over later.

* * *

“…and that is why you never, ever want to piss off the Queen of Chestovania.” He finished his story. “Oh, sorry, off track again. We were talking about Subtext. Did anyone have any questions about that?”

Several hands went up.

“Yes! You in the back!”

“Were you REALLY an MI6 agent?”

“I heard he was on the bomb squad!”

“Really, I heard master of disguise.”

“Are you really immortal?”

GB opened his mouth to reply, but the electronic bell interrupted him. “Welp! That’s it for today, I guess. If you have any questions on SUBTEXT,” he made sure to emphasize this. “Then email me or drop in on my office hours! Have a lovely day, students!” With that, he bowed and disappeared stage left.

Great Britain laughed to himself as his students continued to make rumors about him that were actually mostly true. He loved pouring gasoline on the fire. Made all the classes more fun and creative. Hey, at least none had connected that Professor Gerald Blackwater was Cyborg 007. No, they thought he was James Bond.

He loved teaching.

* * *

Pyunma grinned at his fellow Graduate student, who was currently bemoaning his students. “It’s the first day. How are you already this done with the students?”

He groaned. “It was a freshman anthropology class. I walked in to them making Indiana Jones’ quotes.” He ran a hand through his hair. “One asked me if we got our whips now or later to practice tricks.”

“How many times do we have to tell them that it’s not like the movies?” Pyunma sighed. “It does NOT belong in the museum. It belongs with the native people!”

“Preach my dude.” They fist-bumped. “I swear, next time I see a working requirement, I’m pulling a you and sneaking into the office.”

“What can I say?” Pyunma stretched. “I got connections.”

He could never thank Geronimo enough for getting him the job in the office instead of as a student teacher. Some students were… beyond help. The office staff could be annoying, but he at least didn’t have to grade papers.

“Anyone at least partially good? They can’t be all bad.” Pyunma pushed, trying to get his friend to look on the bright side.

The student shrugged. “I haven’t learned all of their names yet, but there’s at least a couple of sophomores that needed the ethics credit. They at least had some realistic expectations for the class.”

“Well that should ease your pain.”

What Pyunma didn’t know was that one of those students was a meme lord that had rocket boosters for legs.

Yeah… the other graduate student was going to need some help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE IS EVERYONE! (Gilmore needs a break he's too old for this mess XD)
> 
> NOW ON TO THE REST OF THE CHAOS :D


	4. The Group Chat(s)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Listen, even if they can communicate with brain waves/telepathy/whatever, you still can't send a meme without a message plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LET CHAOS REIGN!
> 
> For reference:  
> Telobaby - Ivan  
> Jetson/MemeSon - Jet  
> French Heiress - Francoise  
> PewPew - Albert  
> Force Sensitive - Geronimo  
> IronChef - Chang  
> DramaQueen - Great Britain  
> Magikarp - Pyunma  
> Gotta Go Fast - Joe  
> DoctorWhat - Gilmore

_Gotta Go Fast, French Heiress, Magikarp, and TeloBaby have been added to the group chat._

_Jetson has renamed the group chat **Teenagers by MCR**._

**Jetson** : what’s up it’s ya boi Jet

 **Gotta Go Fast** : Why?

**Jetson has sent you_shall_not.png**

**Telobaby** : Ah yes the memes.

 **Gotta Go Fast** : Pyunma please help me. They’re all out to kill me.

 **Magikarp** : …

**Magikarp has sent loss.png**

**Gotta Go Fast** : I’m transferring schools.

 **French Heiress** : I thought GB was supposed to be the dramatic one.

 **Jetson** : Listen we can do mind waves and telepathic fuckery in battle but you really can’t send a meme without a phone.

 **Magikarp** : Also humans need to use these things, so we might as well.

 **Magikarp** : Honestly, Joe, Jet has several with us in it.

 **Gotta Go Fast** : Why was I never invited?

 **Telobaby** : So NOW he feels left out.

 **Jetson** : We only ever had your emergency communicator contact. Did you even HAVE a phone before?

 **French Heiress** : He had this atrocious flip phone last time I saw him.

 **Gotta Go Fast** : RIP Flip Phones

 **Gotta Go Fast** : There’s something just so satisfying about flicking one of those shut at the end of a conversation.

 **Magikarp** : Honestly I feel like I’m going to break this thing any day now. My old Nokia could be dropped to the bottom of the ocean and just need to be dried and charged.

 **French Heiress** : Is this from experience?

 **Magikarp** : Hell yeah.

 **Telobaby** : Why only us, though, 002? What about the more… ‘adult’ members of our team?

 **French Heiress** : I also love and hate that Ivan has a smart phone and no one, not once, ever comments. It’s completely normal to give a baby one of these.

 **Telobaby** : All according to Kekku

 **Telobaby** : Kekku means plan.

 **Magikarp** : Weeb

 **Telobaby** : Like you’re one to talk.

 **Jetson** : To answer your question, I’m making another with all of us later, but honestly I just wanted to set one up with just us young people.

 **Gotta Go Fast** : Weren’t you born before WW2?

 **Jetson** : Shut UP Joe!

 **Jetson** : You’re the baby of us - no offense, Ivan - and we made u tactical leader

 **French Heiress** : Now boys no fighting you’re both pretty

 **Magikarp** : Pretty stupid.

 **Jetson** : YOU WANNA GO?

 **Telobaby** : By the way, 002 I told 004 about your enrollment, and 004 is looking to catch up with you, 009.

 **Jetson** : Spoilsport

 **Gotta Go Fast** : Oh? Cool. I’d like to see Albert and everyone else some time. Chang was great and I missed his food.

 **Gotta Go Fast** : How is Dr. Gilmore doing, by the way?

 **Magikarp** : Modern Medicine is a hell of a thing, man.

 **Magikarp** : He jokes about us never aging, but I swear he’s always got energy, even at his age.

 **French Heiress** : He’s stepping back from a lot of his duties and just living life as best as he can.

 **Gotta Go Fast** : I’ll add him to the list. Where is his office?

**Telobaby shared one location.**

**Gotta Go Fast** : Thanks Ivan.

* * *

**_Cyborgs + 1 Human_ **

**DoctorWhat** : Hello Joe! Thank you for coming by my office earlier! I loved seeing you and catching up. While I was doing some paperwork after you left, tho, I spotted a student ID on the floor. I believe this is you?

**DoctorWhat sent picture_202009_20.jpg**

**Gotta Go Fast** : Oh! That’s where it went! I’ll come by tomorrow to get it.

 **Jetson** : You look like a dork.

 **DoctorWhat** : Jet, what are you doing in this chat?

 **Jetson** : This is the group chat, doc.

 **DoctorWhat** : Ah my bad. Large fingers and touch screens.

 **Force Sensitive** : I know your pain, Doctor.

 **Force Sensitive** : These tiny things were not made for my great hands.

 **PewPew** : Don’t you have the biggest iPhone on the market?

 **Force Sensitive** : Still too small.

 **Magikarp** : Have you considered using a pen or voice typing?

 **Force Sensitive** : Yes

 **Force Sensitive** : It does not end well.

 **Magikarp** : …now you gotta tell us man.

 **Jetson** : Geronimo tell us how Siri has fucked up today.

 **Force Sensitive** : No

 **IronChef** : I’ll make you whatever you want for dinner!

 **Force Sensitive** : …. Fine.

 **PewPew** : I love that Chang still has the power to bribe us all with his food.

 **DramaQueen** : He puts something it it I swear.

 **IronChef** : I use my special ingredients

 **IronChef** : Love and cocaine.

 **French Heiress** : Haha that’s a good one Chang

 **PewPew** : You’re joking, right?

 **Gotta Go Fast** : Please tell me he’s joking

 **Jetson** : Ivan where TF are you I need you to read his mind.

 **DoctorWhat** : Ivan is sleeping over here.

 **IronChef** : Geronimo! What was that you were saying?

 **Force Sensitive** : I’m still concerned about you

 **Force Sensitive** : If I find out that you were spiking my food, I’m going to strangle you.

 **IronChef** : Noted!

 **Magikarp** : I am Not Reassured.

 **Force Sensitive** : In no particular order

 **Force Sensitive** : One time I was waiting for a meatloaf to cook and I said “Siri, set my alarm for one hour.”

 **Force Sensitive** : My Loaf overcooked because I realized over an hour later that my alarm wasn’t going off.

 **Force Sensitive** : I thought that I hadn’t said it loud enough… until Siri’s alarm woke me up at 1 AM that night.

 **PewPew** : I’m dying rn

 **Magikarp** : RIP Geronimo’s sleep and Albert

 **Force Sensitive** : Another time I asked her to look up hotels in Nice, France, for a trip I was taking.

 **Force Sensitive** : She googled ‘Nice’ and gave me a bunch of memes

 **Jetson** : Nice.

 **Force Sensitive** : Jet you are addicted to Memes

 **Jetson** : Better than cocaine

 **Magikarp** : *side eyes Chang*

 **IronChef** : :D

 **French Heiress** : Ok maybe less of Chang’s food now

 **IronChef** : D:

 **Gotta Go Fast** : Why do I feel like Chang is just Jet if we ever aged?

 **Jetson** : Chang be my dad

 **Jetson** : That would be awesome

 **IronChef** : I accept my new role as father

_Jetson has changed his name to MemeSon._

**MemeSon** : I love my new father.

 **Gotta Go Fast** : How do I mute this chat?

 **French Heiress** : You can’t escape.

 **French Heiress** : I have tried.

 **Telobaby** : I have awoken.

 **MemeSon** : IVAN! I have a question!

 **IronChef** : No my son! We must keep our recipes a family secret!

 **Magikarp** : Haven’t we decided that we’re all a big, weird family?

 **Force Sensitive** : Unfortunately.

 **French Heiress** : Salty family, right here.

 **Gotta Go Fast** : Metal and salt is what we are made of.

 **DoctorWhat** : I am still concerned.

 **Telobaby** : There is no cocaine in the food.

 **IronChef** : Spoilsport.

 **Telobaby** : There’s MJ in his double chocolate double danger brownies

 **Gotta Go Fast** : Oh we all knew that.

 **Magikarp** : Oh shit.

 **Magikarp** : Really?

 **Gotta Go Fast** : yes…?

 **French Heiress** : I only get a little buzzed ever

 **MemeSon** : I think it’s a cyborg thing

 **Magikarp** : Uh… heh, remember that tray of them that I asked for, Chang?

 **IronChef** : Yes?

 **Magikarp** : I shared them with everyone in the office to get some ‘brownie’ points.

 **French Heiress** : I see your pun, Pyunma.

 **Magikarp** : Joe I need you to do your time travel thing now

 **Gotta Go Fast** : Sorry name’s Jared and I never learned to read

 **MemeSon** : HAHA I’VE CORREUPTED HIM

 **Magikarp** : JOE PLEASE I’M BEGGING!

 **Gotta Go Fast** : Perish.

 **DoctorWhat** : So I’m just going to leave the ID with the secretary…

 **PewPew** : RIP Pyunma

* * *

_French Heiress and 5 others have been added to the group chat._

_Gotta Go Fast renamed the chat **Everyone but Fish Boy**._

**Gotta Go Fast** : Hey I got a dish of spiked brownies here anyone want some?

 **DoctorWhat** : Would those be the ones Pyunma was freaking out about?

 **Gotta Go Fast** : Yes

 **Gotta Go Fast** : I swapped them moments before someone grabbed one, so he’s in the clear

 **French Heiress** : And you didn’t tell him because…?

 **Gotta Go Fast** : Couldn’t pass on the meme opportunity

 **MemeSon** : See now I understand how we are related.

 **IronChef** : I accept him as another son

 **DramaQueen** : I’m over in 5!

 **PewPew** : Are you getting high with a student, GB? Seriously?

 **DramaQueen** : Chang’s dangerous brownies are worth it

 **Force Sensitive** : Yeah I’m going to go back to panicked students now…

 **French Heiress** : I would but I have practice and am responsible

 **French Heiress** : … why is there a brownie suddenly sitting on my bag?

 **French Heiress** : JOE!

 **Gotta Go Fast** : Hi I’m Jared and I never learned how to read.

 **Force Sensitive** : A strange being has also left me a brownie…

 **PewPew** : I thought Chang and Jet were the chaotic ones?

 **Gotta Go Fast** : Learning from the best.

 **PewPew** : Beginning to regret accepting a role in upper education.

 **DramaQueen** : Did you get a brownie too?

 **PewPew** : *makes eye contact* *munches brownie*

 **DoctorWhat** : I swear you weren’t all this chaotic a decade ago.

 **Telobaby** : Can I have one?

 **DoctorWhat** : No

 **Gotta Go Fast** : Nope

 **French Heiress** : Absolutely not

 **Telobaby** : I hate this family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Joe has been infected by the MemesTM and at the very least they are responsible enough to not let a baby have a spiked brownie. Given, that Baby can move things with his mind and telepathically link with others but he's still A Baby.


End file.
